To: Brad Blackstone
Subject: Self-introduction of Cherlyn
Dear Brad,
Good day to you. My name is Cherlyn and I am from
Tut05. I am sending you this email to let you know more about myself.
I am currently in my first semester of
Sustainable Infrastructure Building Service (SIE-BS) in Singapore Institute of
Technology (SIT). I had previously studied in Temasek Polytechnic and graduated
in year 2015 with a Diploma in Integrated Facility Management (IFM). Growing up
as a child, I am always fascinated when I see buildings of different shapes and
sizes and I often wonder how these buildings
are built. Therefore, I chose to read IFM to learn how to maintain a building
as well as to draw buildings using software such as Autocad and Building
Information Modelling (BIM).
My Internship was completed at Singapore
Airline House. I was taught on how to maintain huge facilities such as the
airport and the airline house. This further increased my interest to learn more
about building and facility management. Therefore, I chose to read SIE-BS in
SIT.
During my leisure time, I love watching movies
and volunteer in doing community work. I believe that helping others will make them happy, and seeing them smile makes my day. My goal in future is
to work as a facility manager. Singapore is an urban country and
buildings and structures are a common sight. I hope that as a facility manager,
I would be able to maintain building facilities to ensure that the buildings is safe and
secure to be within the premises.
Lastly, I would like to express my gratitude
to you for taking the time off to read this email and I look forward to learning more from you.
Yours sincerely,
Cherlyn Tei
Edited on 17/9/2016
Edited on 17/9/2016
Thank you very much, Cherlyn, for this detailed letter. It seems to paint a fairly clear portrait of who you are, while at the same time adopting the correct tone and style. It's interesting to learn that you have been fascinated by building design and construction ever since your childhood.
ReplyDeletePart of the purpose of me having you write this assignment is so that I can give you feedback. Toward that end, here are some initial comments. Please make changes where needed:
1) Growing up as a child, I am always fascinated when I see buildings of different shapes and sizes. I often wonder how these buildings are built. >>> (verb tense)
2) My Internship was completed at Singapore Airline House, I was taught on how to maintain huge facilities such as the airport and the airline house. >>> (run on sentence)
3) I believe that by helping others, it will make them happy and seeing them smile makes my day. >>> I believe that helping others will make them happy, and seeing them smile makes my day.
4) Facility Manager >>> (caps not needed; see https://owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/2/1/42/)
5) In Singapore, we are >>> Singapore is
6) I would be able to maintain building facilities to ensure that it is safe and secure to be within the premises. >>>
(why "it"?)
7) I look forward to learn.... >>> (wrong word form) I look forward to learning....